Watercolor Words and Wanderings

It is 4 am and the aroma of fried onions and celery and oregano is bringing me to my knees. The tears are streaming down my cheek. I am listening to a podcast called RISK ( not for the faint of heart). Christine Gentry’s tale of donating her kidney is just pouring through my soul. The onions are browning and gratitude is dripping out my hands. I bet this will be the best mushroom barley soup I have ever made. I cannot believe the life I have and I am grateful for everything that has happened that allowed me to be at these watershed moments of my life. For sure-I still am shaking to my core and as the days draw nearer to the point where I may not have a regular pay check coming in, I spend more than half of them reminding myself there is enough. I think things like ‘ will I be able to buy myself a bag of candy when I want to?’ . I realize how wrapped up into buying things I have become. Then I think’ what if I want to buy some paint?’…you get the idea on and on all the waking day. The soup making brought some relief from these fear monger scarcity thoughts. I realize I am totally present to creating the soup and I just know life is about to unfold for me…that feeling of being responsible for myself and my time and choosing to use it in a way that will feed my soul is …it is…I am not sure there is a word for this…awesome? delicious? huge? connected? Brene’ Brown might call it authenticity?

This week I have 3  W.I.P.’s.  and 2 that are done..most of them you have seen the beginnings of last week…

That’s all for this week- Peace Out- till next week- Bec

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Watercolor Words and Wanderings

Hi all- I am late this week…the transition from working for someone to working for myself is causing me a good bit of angst. I should be celebrating and instead worry, worry, worry. Fear is taking over yet again. I keep pushing it back with mantra “there is plenty”. I think I need a bigger shield ;).

I did do some art this week. I am trying to come up with a painting for Turning Points Network to use as the card cover for their spring fundraising drive.(See those starts above)

I also did 2 paintings for our daily challenge-somewhat shy of daily 😉 yet I keep trying! The one on the left below I show you because it is such crap and I want to be transparent with you-part of the process of learning is to make a lot of crap. The Lilac might work into something…or I may tip it over the edge into…CRAP 🙂

On Sunday I went to The Stonewall Farm for Art at the Farm- there were a few painters and photographers around the farm doing art. Towards the end I had a couple of kids want to paint and that is when I started the above lilacs. I got off to a too intense start on the roof of the maple house and I am not sure I can fix it. I am having a good time with the trees and the back ground.IMG_20160523_053409

Here is a another one in progress…

And lastly…IMG_20160523_053342

If you get a chance head over to On Being with Krista Tippet and listen to her interview with Kevin Kling. It is funny and deep. One thing he said really hit this morning. “You can’t tell people what to think you got to set it out and let it explode.” When I grow up, I want to paint more like that. Until next week- Peace Out- bec

Watercolor Words and Wanderings

I just read an article by another artist, Ron Craig, about “Living the Dream” he talks about making the final leap to putting our dreams in the center of our being and “It sounds romantic, living the artist’s life, enviable even. However, it’s not an easy task. When you follow your dreams, you’re out of step with the program. You live an arm’s reach away from everyone else. ” I quit my job last week with the intention of finally being able to focus on my dream of being an artist full time. The people around me are upset. Their eyes glaze over as they think about “quitting their job and growing some hair”. They are saying things like – it must be nice and I wish I could quit my job. I really did not have a choice- I have been so miserable trying to fit into a responsible person mold. I have spent months at a time of the last 20 years just barely surviving. Vague thoughts of suicide haunting nearly every step. I know I will never act on them but I have had no “joie de vivre “. Outside of painting the only relief I got was the occasional “walkers high” or a hint of joy while watching others lives unfold. 4 years ago I left a job that paid pretty well to do social justice work. I thought now here is the ticket- I just need work with a purpose. I was right I do need work with a purpose but I was off the mark about which purpose. Now I am 50 pounds overweight, my back is sketchy and I can barely walk due to a bum knee. Ron had to suffer a heart attack to clear his docket. I only hope I have made the leap soon enough. I did not paint much this week-but have plans to paint quit a bit next week- I have 4 days off. Below you can see the daily mini paintings I did and some Works In Progress (W.I.P.) at the bottom is a picture of me from the early 1990’s-Peace- Bec

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Me in early 90’s at Winter Hawk

Watercolor Words and Wanderings

I am reading a book by Brene’ Brown . If you have not heard of her work, you are in for quite the ride. If you have heard of her work and have a hungry heart AND have not yet read The Gifts of Imperfection please check out the book. Today I was reading the chapter on scarcity and fear of the dark. She quotes another author Lynn Twist from her book The Soul of Money . Lynn is talking about all the thoughts that go through our mind before our feet even hit the floor(not skinny enough, rich enough and loved enough etc.) As I sit here wondering if now is the time to take the leap. Fear begins to grow and creep into my consciousness  …like the an auto immune disorder taking over all my life. I cannot seem to shake it, all the while acknowledging it as a primary motivator and not wanting to make decisions from a place of fear. I continue to fight the resistance- everything I have run across in the last few months has been leading down this path to not allowing fear to run my world anymore….and yet. Like an alcoholic in my cups- I know taking that drink will lead to my ruination – but I just cannot stop. ARGHHH

This week I was on vacation and had plans to paint and paint and paint. Well it rained and rained and rained and then my back went out. I did managed to work on a few paintings and start a few more. My teacher challenged us to paint one small painting a day or at least 5 a week. This week our theme is the kitchen. I did this one of garlic and tried to incorporate the night sky technique we were working on in class this week. My back is still out so I will keep the writing to a minimum…see the work below-the photos have notes- Peace Out- Bec

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